


we're on the moon, your honor

by irene123



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Romance, Theonsa - Freeform, it's official i don't know how to tag, lawyer theon, let's get white girl wasted, this was all on a whim, traffic court
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 23:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20348485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irene123/pseuds/irene123
Summary: Sansa gets a parking fine, and also some feelings for the only lawyer in Winterfell that’s willing to take her case pro bono.





	we're on the moon, your honor

**Author's Note:**

> this was *gil faizon voice* inspired by and directly stolen from a joke joe lycett told on 8oo10cdc  
I hope you enjoy

Leaving the movie theater that night, the last thing Sansa expected was to find her car ever so slightly vandalized with the words 'taxi rank' written on her driver door window. Such a peculiar thing had never happened to her. She had no explanation for it, she wasn't anywhere near a taxi rank, and she had most definitely paid for her parking.

So she brushed it off as someone pulling a prank on her, an odd one for sure, but a prank nonetheless. She moved on until it came right around to bite her. And it came in the form of a letter, a typed one with an official stamp and signature at the bottom. The only as official things that she had received in the past had been her high school and UNI degrees.

The words 'taxi rank' had been written and photographed by what the letter referred to as an anonymous concerned citizen, and that photograph had been submitted as evidence that prompted the parking fine she was now receiving. Sansa was set to pay an amount of money she didn't have. She also had the option to appeal it in court with a lawyer she could not afford. Between a rock and a hard place was the best way to put it. But she had an idea.

* * *

Sansa took a day off work to visit some lawyer offices and ask for help. She got turned away at the public defender's office, as they are overworked as it was and had cases to tackled that were far more important than a measly parking fine. She got turned away every time she asked if they could take her case pro bono, as she couldn't pay them. A waste of time, they called it. They told her she was obviously guilty. She was losing hope and becoming a bit desperate. Everyone was telling her to pay the fine, even offering to lend her money.

But in the end it wasn't about the money. It was about the principal of it.

"I have this friend," her brother Robb announced that night at dinner, "He's in law school, still, but maybe I could ask him if he knows someone. He owes me a favor, you know."

Robb had his useful moments, too, by a complete surprise. Finally an answer to Sansa's prayers.

* * *

Robb's friend wasn't someone Sansa had met or seen before. Some Theon guy, she hadn't even heard her brother say that name before.

Yet. The answer to her prayers arrived with his shaggy hair and dress sense of someone in a punk band, and he looked like everything but a law student. Which Sansa soon learned he wasn't. He had graduated, and was now working on his training. Even worse. Lawyers shouldn't dress like that.

He had in fact recently become able to take cases and represent people. Sansa was going to be his first client, and he was determined to win his first case.

"Explain to me what happened," he asked, his voice calm, collected demeanor. Sansa was panicking.

They were sat at the dining room table, she was opposite of him, and she was both tapping her foot and her fingers. They weren't alone, Rob was in the kitchen, grabbing beers and a can of diet coke for Sansa. She didn't know why she was so nervous. There was no reason for her to be.

Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't bad to look at. Sansa found him attractive, intimidatingly so. And she had to spend so much time with him now, she didn't have a choice. But it would be best if no one knew about this, especially Robb. Robb was known for being overly protective.

Sansa cleared her throat, managing to gather herself enough to speak.

"I parked the car, registered the parking spot with the text. Then I went to the movies. When I came back, there were the words taxi rank written on my window with lipstick. I wiped it off, sent the second text to pay for my parking, and went home."

"There were no notes on the windshield, no fine there, nothing?" he queried, an easier question this time.

"Nothing," she confirmed.

"And then you got this?" Theon raised the letter and started examining it.

"Yes," Sansa nodded watching as the man focused on the letter and then absorbed every word.

Her brother placed the drinks down, taking a seat at the head of the table, his presence cutting through the awkwardness of the moment. Sansa's hand was staring to shake.

"So what do you think?" Robb then asked, his friend looking up from the document.

"I think they have nothing," he stated, then he raised his piercing eyes and focused them on Sansa, "Don't worry, you won't have to pay a dime," he said and winked at her.

Fuck. He winked and Sansa felt like she was in high school all over again. He was her only hope. But she had a feeling it wouldn't end well.

* * *

Monday to Friday Sansa worked at a formal wear shop. She was one of the consultants with whom the customers made appointments, and she earned by commission, but when those didn't happen it was by commission of appointment made. In her head it was a temporary thing, until she could find something better.

The parking fine couldn't have come at a worse time. She was still new at the job, not having made a name for herself at the shop. Her appointments were still barely booked, and she prayed for random walk in, strays as the other girls called them.

The fact she was hardly working made her work hours flexible. That's why when Robb's lawyer friend, Theon called him and asked for her to meet with him, Sansa was able to make the time.

He asked her to meet him at a coffee shop near to where Sansa had parked her that night. They grabbed a coffee to go and walked to Sansa's parking spot, talking along the way.

"So how did you meet my brother?"

"At a bar downtown. He pretended that I'm with him and his friends, so I wouldn't get beat up by these two really muscled up dudes," he was smiling as he spoke and Sansa wondered if it was because it was a fond memory, or because he thought of what happened as funny.

"What did you do?" she asked him again.

"I might have asked them about the steroids they were using," he was still smiling, but now he was looking at her too, with the kind of curiosity that Sansa looked at him with. Or maybe it wasn't that and she was just seeing things. She shook the thought away, "I also might have been drunk," he added.

"You like to get yourself in trouble," the way Sansa said it, it wasn't a question, rather a statement.

"I don't know what makes you think that."

"You're helping me. And I can't pay you."

"You're doing me a favor," he responded and seconded it with an innocent shrug, the smile ever present, "I need to put in a whole lot of hours before they even let me carry the folders with the fun cases. But yours is actually interesting. I think I can have some fun with it, matter of fact."

"Please don't have fun with it," Sansa joked.

"I'm gonna win it, too, don't worry."

"Good," she returned. What followed was a small pause as they got nearer to the parking spot. When they were near enough she pointed and announced, "It was right here."

"This is where you were parked?" he asked her and she watched as he did a little circle around the parking spot, observing the surroundings.

"Yes."

"Do you still have the confirmation texts from parking here?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Good," he said as he made another circle around the spot, paying attention to the details, as if he was hatching the plan to get her out of the fine at the spot. He was so cute, whatever he was doing. Shit, "Okay. No taxi rank signs. No taxis anywhere near this place. I think someone was interested in your parking spot and wanted to get some revenge."

"What do we do?" Sansa asked, proud of herself for not stumbling over the words. She was so close to that though, she was getting lost in her thoughts. Of all the things they could be doing...

"I'm gonna take some pictures of the street, just to have some evidence that there are no taxi ranks anywhere on this street block," it sounded like more thinking out loud, "And I'll handle the rest."

"Okay. If you need anything from me..."

"I'll let you know," he smiled again, and this one felt different. Like it meant something.

It had trouble written all over it.

* * *

There was no sign of Theon for a solid ten day period. Sansa hadn't given him her number, she didn't have his either. Their only way of communicating was through Robb, and he hadn't said anything to her about the whole thing.

But the next time Sansa heard anything from Theon and about her case was directly from Theon. Robb had invited him over for that purpose only, not wanting to be a messenger so things wouldn't get lost in translation. Once again at the dining room table, drinks between them, but this time they were left on their own.

"I don't have a whole lot of information for you," he told her as he pulled out some papers from his backpack and placed them on the table in front of him, "I reached out to the local council via email, they said that they just accept and file the fines, and the only way to file a complaint about it is to take it to traffic court," he said, placing a copy of the emails in front of Sansa, "So I did, you should get a letter in the mail with the date, let me know when you do," another copy, this one of official documents he had filed in court.

"Okay, no problem," she agreed.

"The pictures are good to go. I'm just gonna need those parking confirmations we talked about, if you could email me the screencaps, so I can submit copies to the judge."

"Of course. I have them saved."

"Awesome," he smiled at her and let the smile linger, "Right. Um..." he broke the little moment they appeared to have to hand a folded piece of paper. Sansa had a feeling this could be the life changing moment, "Here's my number, and email. For when you get the letter with the date."

Not a card. A piece of paper, things scribbled in his messy, yet readable penmanship.

"Thanks."

* * *

The date on the letter was a week from when Sansa received it. She immediately called Theon to let him know and they made a plan for the day. They would meet up in front of the court house an hour before, he was going to bring coffee and he was going to prep her. Sansa wasn't sure what prepping her detailed exactly, as the only other time she had heard that verb was when talking about food.

When Sansa arrived, she almost didn't recognize him. He had ditched the leather jacket for a suit, and not a cheap one, the backpack had magically divided itself into a briefcase and a laptop bag. His hair was put in some sort of order. He actually looked professional.

And she fucking wanted him.

"Hi."

"Hey," he smiled and Sansa was on the verge of losing it. Jesus this man, "Iced caramel latte, right."

Fuck. Did he actually remember her coffee order?

"Yep, perfect. Thanks," she offered him a smile and accepted the drink he was handing her.

They walked inside the court house and sat down on a bench there, a large and empty hallway. Between sips of coffee Theon went through the entire process with her, talking about potential scenarios of how things might go. Sansa tried to take in what he was saying, what he was explaining to her, but she was too busy freaking out. She had a court date, for a parking fine, like a complete grown up. And her lawyer was a handsome friend of her brother's that remembered her coffee order. And she was starting to feel things for him in a way that she hadn't experienced before. Sansa did crushes in the past, but Sansa didn't do butterflies in the stomach kind of crushes in the past.

"Be as innocent as you can, and let me handle everything. Speak only when I tell you to. Deal?"

This Sansa heard.

"Deal."

* * *

Sansa had never been in a court room. And they were nothing like she had seen on TV, at least the traffic court room wasn't. It was lit up by the sunshine coming in from the windows on the right, with walls painted white rather than a dark color, and comfy cushioned benches rather than uncomfortable wooden chairs, it didn't seem as scary as she pictured it.

They waited a while, Theon explained that some cases take a bit longer than the required time. Sansa didn't mind the wait, getting to know her surroundings helped her calm down.

"Case number 72139, traffic council vs. Sansa Stark. Is Miss Stark present?" the judge called out from the podium.

"Yes, your honor," Theon piped up, and gestured Sansa to follow him to the bench.

"Is the parking officer who wrote the fine present?" the judge asked again, while Theon and Sansa were taking their seats, Theon taking out papers from his briefcase.

"Yes, your honor," a man responded, finding his way to the judges bench.

Allowing a few moments to pass for her to review the file in front of her, the judge finally started the proceedings.

"Let's begin," the judge looked up, her eyes landing directly on Sansa, "Miss Stark, you've been fined for parking on a spot marked for a taxi. We're here today because you filled a complaint, or rather your lawyer, Mr. Greyjoy did. Why have you filled the complaint, miss Stark?"

Theon nodded, that was her sign to speak. Watching her volume, and putting on the voice she normally used with her customers, Sansa cleared her throat and spoke.

"I didn't park in a taxi rank, your honor."

"Officer, if she hadn't parked at a taxi rank, why was the fine issued?" the judge turned to the officer.

"According to the photographic evidence, brought to us by a civilian who wishes to remain anonymous, miss Stark had in fact parked in a taxi rank," the man explained. Anonymous civilian. Sansa had no idea that was how things were allowed to function in Winterfell.

"Mr. Greyjoy?"

Theon's turn. Okay, cool. He said he'd handle it. Sansa had nothing to worry about.

"Your honor," Theon addressed the judge, speaking calmly, "The nearest taxi rank from the spot where my client had parked is one point three kilometers away. There isn't a taxi rank on that block, or the surrounding blocks. We have city maps, satellite images, photographs and video of the area as proof. And we believe that even if that wasn't the case, the traffic council's evidence is insufficient and should lead to a cancellation of the fine."

The judge raised an eyebrow at this, her facial expression worried Sansa.

"Officer, your evidence?"

The officer stepped up with his laptop in hand and showed the photograph on the TV screen that everyone in the court room could see. Sansa recognized her car the exact way as she found it that night.

"Mr. Greyjoy? I don't see what's insufficient here. Your client is clearly parked where she shouldn't be," the judge said, and Theon made a face at that.

"It's just words on a window. There is no evidence, no proof of the car actually being in a taxi rank. By that logic," he paused for a moment and using his pen he quickly scribbled down two words on a piece of paper. No, he couldn't be actually doing that, "I'm afraid me and my client can't quite hear you, we're too far away from you. As you can see," he held up the piece of paper he just finished writing, "We're on the moon, your honor."

"Mr. Greyjoy..."

"My client parked her car on a spot clearly marked for parking, and she paid for her it," Theon interrupted the judge, "We have submitted copies of her payment confirmations. She's being fined for something she hasn't done."

"Present your evidence then."

Theon walked the judge through each of the photographs, he even invited the judge to visit the street herself before making her decision. Sansa did her best to trust that he knew what he was doing.

In the end Sansa didn't have to pay anything and Theon had to go back to work. Sansa also found Theon even hotter than she did initially, his charming personality and humor making a big impression on her.

And she was once again in trouble, but this wasn't something a lawyer could help her with.

Well, he could, but that was the whole issue.

* * *

Sansa went back to her regular life. Back to her job with the unreasonable customers, back to looking through the ads in the paper on the daily, looking for something better.

Then it arrived like lightning in a clear blue sky.

_I promised Robb I wouldn't text you for things not case related, but there's a new coffee shop in the building where I work, they make a "salted" caramel latte, and I was wondering if you wanted one._

It brought so many feelings, all of them positive and some of them a bit naughty.

There was a whole lot to unpack there after all. From the promise he wouldn't do something but doing it, to the sheer insignificance of thing he needed to tell her, and along with the fact that he even thought of her in the first place. Sansa felt overwhelmed. And all he did was text her. She couldn't even bring herself to imagine anything else, cause it was getting too much.

How could she let herself catch feelings for her brother's friend?

_Nevermind. You drink them cold. I'll bring you one anyway._

That was exactly what he did.

When she came back from work the to go cup was left on the kitchen counter with her name on it. And Sansa knew that whatever she thought she could control or forget about, it was already too late.

Other messages exchanged between the two were memes, texts from last night screencaps, and the occasional question Sansa had about various laws, because she wondered sometimes, and now she had who to ask. It was starting to feel like a friendship, or maybe more.

Sansa was unsure as to how to go about it. She hoped that seeing him, them being face to face would help her out.

* * *

Ever since Sansa turned eighteen, the sole purpose why she attended Robb's birthday parties was for her to get drunk. Arya was the straightedge in the family, it was a standing unspoken agreement between the two that Sansa would drink and Arya would get her home safe and sound. That plan was once again in motion. And this time Sansa had something to drink about.

As soon as she entered the club where Robb was celebrating Sansa had a drink in her hand and an eye out for Theon. She was gonna talk to him, maybe flirt a bit, but most of all, feel the situation out. Only thing, he wasn't there. The rest of Robb's friends were there though, the ones she had met at least. And not one of them had been as cute as Theon, not even close. Theon was the abnormality in that friend group, Sansa was sure of it.

She gave up on waiting for him and expecting him to arrive about two hours in. She would've asked Robb or any of the others, she almost did, but she realized it would be a bit too obvious. Even slightly obvious was what she was trying to avoid, too obvious was out of the question. Instead, she focused her attention to all the cocktails she could order and dancing sloppily with whoever was nearest. She was trying to get the image of him with someone else out of her head, because why else would he not be there. He had to be somewhere more important. Somewhere where Sansa wasn't.

Distracting herself was why she didn't notice when he showed up, not until he approached her.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Wanna dance?"

By this point the booze had gotten to her head and she was feeling particularly bitchy. She was angry that she waited for him, that she expected him, wanted to see him, but he had to be late. She really wished her wasn't late, or that she didn't care about any of it. She wanted to get back at him for the roller coaster of emotions that was the hours before he arrived.

"I'm already dancing."

"With me?" he attempted again.

Yes. Absolutely. And he was in that same suit again, beautifully fitted, a different shirt though. Fucking hell, did she seriously just notice that?

But that would make her appear easy, wouldn't it. Besides...

"I'm already dancing with someone."

She watched as Theon's face fell. Was he jealous? Did he actually care about this, about her?

"Alright," he said, "Sorry," he added and walked away. And Sansa's eyes immediately dropped to his ass.

Sansa regretted it as soon as it was done, she was so angry with herself, more so than before. That was the chance she wanted and she blew it. Because she wanted to be petty, and she was certain that it didn't even matter to him, any of it.

He was doing it to be nice.

He wasn't there for her.

Sansa only ever cried when she was angry with herself or when she was drunk. This time she was both. And she didn't want to cry. The solution to that issue seemed to be more drinks and more distractions.

* * *

When she reached the bar and ordered herself a drink, she noticed him from the corner of her eye. Theon was doing the exact same thing as her. Drinking to forget, to distract himself.

Facing him again, this time with regret in her heart, Sansa realized that it would be best for the both for her to grow up about the this thing between them. Be honest, deal with the consequences later. Like grown ups do.

She straightened her dress, shook off a hair that had stuck at the side, then she walked up to him. She had a different state of mind now. No more petty bullshit.

"Is this get up of yours what they call business casual?"

Surprised by the question, Theon appeared to be careful of the tone of voice he picked.

"Yes, in fact it is."

Sansa knew what she wanted to say, what she wanted to achieve. She wanted to put it all on the line. She wanted him to relax. She wanted to put what happened moments ago behind them.

"I like that shirt, though. It brings out your eyes."

"You've noticed my eyes?" he asked, realizing what Sansa was doing.

"Maybe," she retorted, putting on her best flirty smile.

"Cause I sure as hell have noticed yours," he said and Sansa heart almost stopped. Fuck.

"You like my eyes?" the words came out flat. She was getting nervous again.

"I fucking love them," he admitted, reaching out for his drink and downing it. He understood it too, the situation they were in. If Robb made an issue out of them liking each other, then they would have no other choice but swallow their feelings. Sansa didn't want to do that for maybe the first time in her life.

"I'm sorry. About... you know," she felt herself get close to fucking it up again, so she paused and came up with the safest words, "just now," she finally said. Theon didn't respond. He watched her carefully, his facial expression softening by the moment. Sansa decided to explain it further, "You were late. My mind made up this scenario and I got jealous," she admitted. It was the smartest thing she could do, "I thought I'd return the favor."

"You were very successful at returning the favor," Theon told her, his eyes still carefully studying her face, "They gave me a decent case, not just paperwork. They liked how I handled yours. That's why I was late, I had to finish up at work."

"Congratulations," Sansa offered.

"Thanks," he smiled, a satisfied one. He was still watching her.

She stared at his lips. Looking up she noticed that he was doing the same, staring at hers. They were getting so dangerously close to kissing, she panicked. In the end she was the one who looked away.

"You're gonna have to get more suits now. Not just the one you seem to have. You're not fooling anyone by just changing the shirt."

"Busted," Theon chuckled at that, signaling for another drink for each of them.

"I work at a store that sells formal suits."

"You think you could help me?"

"I'm sure of it," she confirmed. She took a big sip of her drink, and reached out for the buttons on his suit, unbuttoning them one by one, "But first, we'd have to get you out of that one."

"Did you have something in mind?"

"Absolutely."

Sansa took his hand and lead the way. She knew exactly where the bathroom was.

* * *

Afterwards, Sansa walked closer to him, her fingers intertwined around his. They found an empty booth somewhere near the back, Sansa wasn't sure where. The only thing she was sure of was that she felt safe with him, she didn't want to be apart while they were in the same room and pretend like nothing happened. It didn't matter what happened in the end, the had to go with her gut at least once in her life. She had to act on her feelings for a change

She sat in his lap and barely separated her lips from his, only doing so to smile or catch her breath. She was feeling happy with the outcome of the night. She was enjoying his warmth, and the feeling of his hands on her thighs. It was a kind of closeness like she hadn't experienced before, she was there and with him, but the feeling in her stomach wanted more of it and all the time.

She didn't care if her brother found out. Which he of course did. But the conversation didn't go anything like she expected it to. All that Robb said was that he lost a bet to Bran. Then Sansa could go back to tasting the smoke and whiskey on Theon's lips.

She was on the fucking moon. Or, rather, over it.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading  
your comments and kudos are welcome and much appreciated  
you can also find me on twitter @irene123fromao3


End file.
